Friday, June 25, 2010

Decisions Are Hard To Make

I'd like to meet myself as a child. I'd like to go back in time and meet a 12 year old Sarah, longing to be a grown up. I'd like to gently take that 12 year old Sarah by the shoulders and SHAKE THE LIVING HELL OUT OF HER!
Being a grown up sucks. You have responsibilities, big ones. You can't blow your money on fun things anymore. No sir....especially when you have kids. All your money, your time, your energy is focused on them.
Well, I've decided to focus some of that money, time, and energy on myself.
If all goes as planned, in July, I'll be taking CNA classes to become a State Certified CNA. I will be working full time wiping old people's butts. Matthew is hopefully joining me on this quest....
Together, we will save up money and relocate our family to a place that we feel we need to go in the worst way. I look forward to this. It brings me much needed peace. Once we move, if all goes as planned, I'll start college, working for my AAS to become a Registered Nurse. This decision was a hard one to make, as fear was holding me back. But I truly feel that is my calling and I plan to jump on it with all I have in me.
Also in July, we start, once again, the quest to lose weight. Hopefully this time, we will be able to stick with it, as I'm tired of being so fat. I'm sick of looking in the mirror and hating myself. It's getting old. I want to get to a weight that I'm happy being at. I'm hoping that will FINALLY happen.
Decisions are hard to make....because they always affect someone other than you, either a positive or negative way. I don't WANT to hurt anyone, but at the same time, I'm sick and tired of living my life to please other people. It's time to please Sarah. I'm not at peace with myself here. I hate this place. I can't be me anymore and that sucks so badly. I've lost sight of the person I once was and I'd give anything to find that person again, knowing that time has made that person older and a bit more experienced.
I can't WAIT to put them in motion.

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So....what did you think? And are you THAT Sarah Michelle?