Monday, February 28, 2011

Sometimes, Being A Mom Is Hard

For some reason, my older children have been pains in the rear for a while now. I decided that this had to stop. So, I created a chore/behavior chart and a point system, with rewards and punishments. I'm hoping this works. They don't listen, they talk back, they ignore us, they are basically being 6 year olds. I know this is normal, but I REALLY don't like this behavior and I want to put a stop to it.

Tonight, we had hotdogs and tator tots for dinner, because Matthew and I got our new debit cards and we had to go activate them and get a few things from Walmart. We are eating dinner, all is well, when I look into the living room (we don't have a kitchen table big enough for us all right now, so the kids eat in the living room) and see Sebastian STILL eating his food. He says he doesn't like the tator tots, which is new, 'cause he always loved them before. I told him to eat and he sits there, acting like he's going to vomit with each bite. This annoys me. We have words, I walk away after losing my cool. I have thoughts of how much, at that moment, I don't like him. I hate myself for that. I get the baby to sleep and come downstairs and Matthew is trying to get me to talk to Sebastian. I didn't want to, mostly out of shame for the way I acted and felt. We got to talking and I was honest with him. I worry about him. He is 6 and, to me, short and underweight. I worry that he doesn't get enough to eat, that he's too worried about being fat. We are, as a family, going to start eating healthier, starting this month, so I'm hoping that will help him out too. I just want him to be healthy. He was always the "sick" one of the twins, even though he is older. He had the harder time when he was born. He had the most problems. He had the asthma, he is the one that gets sick easier. I worry about his immune system, I worry about his health in general.

On a side note, despite the fact that we've moved around a lot this year and the school they're at right now is their 3rd school this year, Sebastian and Anastasia are doing WONDERFULLY at school. No bad marks at all (except for Anastasia in her hand writing. She gets lazy and writes very sloppy). I'm so proud of them.

It's hard, but I'm figuring this Mom thing out. I love my kids more than life itself....I just want what's best for them.

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