Saturday, September 1, 2012

poop, lipgloss & my hypochondriac anxiety ridden self.

Kids do the weirdest things is not even CLOSE to what my kids sometimes put me through. That classic line should have an addendum added in. It should really say something like, "Kids say the weirdest, grossest,funniest, most inappropriate, irritating, sweet things. I honestly do not think anyone can ever describe into words the things kids do! Sorry Bill Cosby....you just can't. My daughter Ava has eczema. Which means she itches. A lot! Like, a lot-a lot. So it's not uncommon for her to stick those small hands down her pants, to scratch. This morning her and I were putting lip gloss on each other when she announced, "I pooped!" OK. No biggie. I changed her pull up and then she decided I needed to wear more lip gloss. Note we haven't washed hands yet. She proceeds to apply the lip gloss when she squeezes the tube too hard and it blobs in one huge spot on the side/corner of my mouth. Not thinking about her itchy habits, I grab her hand and use her finger to smear the lip gloss onto my lips......Ha.Ha.Ha.
All this happened in a millisecond it seemed.  I swear! immediately FREAKED out as I remembered all the times I've changed her butt only to look and see the dreaded bodily excrement all over her fingers. I immediately smelled poop...inside I went into mommy panic mode. Panic mode as in OH MY GOD MY KID JUST ATE DOG FOOD or had done something even worse mode. Images of her poopy finger went through my head, and in extreme slow motion I hear, "Poopy finger mommy! Eww!" I spaz. The hypochondriac anxiety ridden person I was just knew there was poop all over my lips. I opened my eyes and Ava was just sitting there, looking at me as if she knew I had been thinking something awful. I look down at her finger to see- nothing. Her finger was clean. We immediately went and washed our hands and went on with our day.
What are some of the gross things your children do?

2 comments:

  1. Ugh - close one! Luckily my boys have not yet figured out how much fun they can have smearing poop all over me and the house. We just had a daughter though - I bet she's the one!

    CONGRATS on a great blog - I want to give you the Laine Award! Stop by my blog Across The Pond to check out how to accept!

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  2. I had quite an experience with my kids painting with poop :( It was a very stressful time. I may have to blog about it sometime! I had the most horrible time with my twins doing it..thankfully the others, not so much! Thanks girl for the award!!!!! We're honored!!! I would really like to read your blog some more! It's been crazy in my house..however, one day i'll open a bag of chocolate and read on :) ~Jen.

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So....what did you think? And are you THAT Sarah Michelle?