Monday, October 1, 2012

Ch-ch-ch-ch changes :)

So, I've decided that maybe some things in my life need to change. And it's not really my life that needs to change. It's me. I used to be much more perky. My glass was half full. A twin pregnancy, multiple surgeries and illnesses later has changed me. I'm such a pessimist. And it kills me. I know I have my perky moments, but honestly, overall I'm a complete b*☻%h. I'm hormonal, moody, mean and negative. I don't exactly know how to make these changes, but I'm going to start with a few things. Here ya go.
 I've gained over 50 lbs since Dale and I said our I do's. Granted I've had 3 kids since then. (well Kaden was only 2 months old when we married.) I'm not happy with my body. Sure I love the hips and bum I've developed with the weight. But I'm not built to be curvy. I have a medium body frame and I'm 5"1. I'm also pretty muscular. I have borderline body builder calf muscles. So I'm not exactly going to set my weight as a goal. I am setting inches lost as a goal. Not saying I'm not going to be happy with losing 30 lbs. But I've got to do this. I think hubs could lose some weight as well, but he carries it well. Not going to lie, he lands his six pack again I'd probably melt just by looking at that flat stomach. Haha! I still think he's sexy as all get out ;)
Schedules and chores. Yeah I have to be the mean mommy and hand out chores. Another reason I'm so crazy moody is I can't stand a messy house. I can't relax. I can't be happy knowing my washing machine has the flu and has purged laundry everywhere. Matter of fact, you can ask Sarah, I have a laundry chair. It's where my laundry hangs out. Well, that's going to be GONE. So maybe my butt can occupy it and watch a bit of TV, or read a good book in it in my down time. I am so anal (heh heh) retentive about schedules. I hate surprises. I like knowing how my day is going to go. I'm not going to go back to Monday this Tuesday this...I'm content with make sure this this and this gets done this often. As much as I love schedules, I hate being told you have to do this today and this tomorrow. I am more of a opportunist. When I get the chance I'll do it.
My relationship. I love my husband more than I love myself. Which is sad. But as much as he comes off as an a$$, he's a great guy. I'm more of a threat to society than he is. Haha. He amazes me. And I've been neglecting him. Or he's neglected me. But having to work AND care for me being sick on top of the kids has got to be hard. I know ti's taken a toll. Which is why I'm doing a 30 day relationship challenge. Last night I told him how much I appreciated the father and husband he is. This morning (and this was before I saw it on the challenge list I SWEAR I covered his face and neck in kisses. I told him I'd eat him if I could. (me being romantic) Haha. I'm not romantic in case you didn't catch that. But I miss giving him massages, and slipping him sexy coupons in the car....I miss cuddling on the couch watching movies. We haven't been doing anything together lately. This will change.
My attitude. I am going to try to be more positive. I'm not sure how to do this. Maybe once my hormone levels get checked and I can find out if that's a reason, things will get better. But I'm going to try to smile. Find something positive out of everything. Pick and choose my battles. And when the going gets tough, realize that I am only human. My children are just kids. And my perfect husband isn't really perfect. And one of the biggest things....to say sorry when needed and complain less and say "love you" more. Wish me luck! I'm going to need it. I'll post a plan when I get to it. This is just my declaration. LOL. And I apologize for what some may feel is a boring post. I needed to get this off my chest. And I need to figure out how to make things work. I am open to suggestions. Post anonymously if you want. I just need to figure this out! Much love!

                                               ♥ XOXO, Jen.


2 comments:

  1. No declaration of that magnitude is a boring post! So proud of you. Once you declare something like that publicly you are committing... you know many people are now watching. Can't wait to hear more about your journey, but for now Congratulations on the first step!

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  2. Thanks Karen! Your comments make my day :) I've already dedicated time today to set things in motion. Me, hubs and my oldest daughter are splitting the cleaning up after dinner so it always gets done. Hubby and I are rotating who brushes teeth/changes diapers before bed and who gets to read the bedtime story. A large family requires teamwork and organization and it has to be done. I don't know how the working out thing is going to go since i'm still sick :( But we'll see. I've cut out soda :) So...it's a work in progress.

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So....what did you think? And are you THAT Sarah Michelle?