Thursday, November 29, 2012

The Last Baby

Last night, I was telling Matthew about how well Cailin did on the potty and how she even got herself dressed in her pajamas with little help from me. He then said something that snapped me into a realization that I'd never noticed before.

"Uh oh......she's getting to the point where she doesn't need your help much anymore"

Damn it.

He's right....

We've been potty training, like, SERIOUSLY potty training for a week now. She's gone two days with no accidents. She undressed herself and put her pjs on mostly by herself yesterday. She can brush her own teeth, she doesn't like to hold my hand in the store anymore or be put in the cart.

She's gaining independence.

And that's when I realized why I never really got serious about potty training or anything before. It's because she's my last baby and with every milestone like that, she's getting more and more to the point where she doesn't need me. She's becoming a big girl. Every day, my baby is less of a baby and more of a little girl. 

This makes me sad. I know it probably shouldn't or I'm probably making too big a deal out of it. I should probably be rejoicing that my diaper changing days are just about over and, in a way, I am. But, even as I type this, I'm fighting back tears because I'll never have these days again. They are slipping by so fast and I'll never get to experience it again.

Cailin starts preschool in August. When that happens, I'm free to focus on myself, for the first time in 9 years (by then). I'll be 30 and I'll get to experience freedoms I've never really experienced as an adult. I can work, I can go back to school. Hell, I can take a shower without having a kid interrupt me. I'm happy about all of that, but at the same time....I'm terrified. I don't know how to focus on myself. I barely know who "myself" is. Monday through Thursday, from 8 to 4, I'll have free time on my hands (and I list those times because I'll be darned if I'm putting my baby on a bus! I'll drive them all to school, thanks!).

So now what? I have time to figure this out, but I'm not sure where to start or what to even do. My baby, my last baby that I'll ever have, is becoming a little girl right before myself. And I don't like it one bit.

Someone tell me I'm not crazy......

2 comments:

  1. Your not crazy! I already feel that way and my youngest just turned one... and now that hes getting older, I want ANOTHER baby haha... you will be ok. Spend your time in the gym/mani pedis/take fun classes/pick up a fun hobby like ceramics or if your like me...gaming!, and go do things for yourself! You deserve it!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Look forward to it! You're going to enjoy that time SO much :D And you know what? She will ALWAYS need you. Case in point: I just got a call from my daughter in college today that her car wouldn't start (again). I knew it needed a new battery. She goes to school almost two hours away. Off I go to save the day :) And when they start having their OWN babies, guess who they will turn to? Yep. ;) Your job is nowhere near done mama, don't worry!

    ReplyDelete

So....what did you think? And are you THAT Sarah Michelle?