Monday, January 21, 2013

Growing Up Isn't That Hard To Do

I'm pretty big on taking responsibility for your own actions. Nothing bugs me more than when people try to place blame on others when their life isn't going according to plan. We all have free will and the power to make our own decisions and we all, as adults, should know how that those decisions come with consequences, both good and bad.

Back in October, I posted about something that had knocked my life off center and had caused a lot of stress, but I didn't give any specifics. Now, I'm going to.

Back in November of 2011, we'd moved from an income based apartment that was going to charge us $699 for rent because we were both working (trust me when I say that it SO wasn't worth it!) into a mobile home that we really liked and was cheaper. This kind of took all of our savings, plus I was fired from my full time job, so I went and took out a small loan to get Christmas presents for the kids, using my van (that was owned out right) as collateral. I made the payments on time, every month, for the first few months. Then life got nuts.

Matthew had lost his job and all I had was a part time job. It wasn't enough to pay all of our bills, let alone my loan payment. I explained to them what happened and managed to buy myself a month, thinking it would be better by then. It wasn't.

When we'd moved in to the mobile home, they told us it was fine to have our cat. He was an awesome cat, so I was thrilled. Well, it turned out that no, we weren't allowed to have him and they were going to evict us over him. They wouldn't even let us try to find him a new home! So we started to pack up and try to find a new place to live. I contacted the loan company and explained everything to them. They said they'd work with me as best as they could. Matthew found a new job, I had to quit mine, but he was making decent money, so I figured I could just fall behind on the payment by a month and pay it all up the following month.

Things just seemed to keep going down hill from there. We moved into a new place that was run by a slumlord and we just couldn't stay there. Within 2 months, we moved again, to where we live now. Again, this took a lot of the money we'd had saved and, by this point, I was dodging the loan company.

In between all this, I COULD have made a payment, but when we'd finally get a little extra money, we'd go nuts with it....NOT the best decision we'd made.

In October, I was sitting here, playing around on line, when I got a knock on the door. I recognized the person as someone that worked for the loan company. I grabbed Cailin and quietly hid in my room, because I was embarrassed to talk to him. We could have made payments, but it seemed like every time I tried to make a payment, something came up and I needed to use the money for something else. He left a note for me to call him when I could and I promptly called my husband, who had the van at work, and told him they'd found out where we lived.

About an hour or so later, the phone rings and it's my husband. He said he was going to tell me something that would probably make me lose my appetite. They'd figured out where he worked and came and took the van. In order to get it back, we had to come up with $500 in 2 weeks, which wasn't something we'd be able to do. It went up for sale on October 12 and it ended up selling for $1000. I got about $250 of that.

It was MY fault that I lost our only vehicle. I could have made the payments but either something else came up or I just spent the money on stupid stuff. I KNOW THIS! I accept my responsibility in this. As a result, we have been without a vehicle since October 2nd. With help from my Dad, my husband's co-workers and the fact that my husband is an Assistant Manager and can borrow the work vehicle, our lives haven't really been disrupted. We may not get to run the roads as much, but, that's fine. We get to still lead a pretty good life....all though we WILL be excited to purchase a new to us vehicle very soon.

The point of this post is because someone else in my life made a decision that has affected her life in a negative way and is placing blame on everyone else. In October, she'd received a settlement for about $6500. By the end of November, she was broke. She'd spent every single dime and had nothing to show for it. She'd wasted it. Then she quit her job. And hasn't found a new one because she's being too picky about her jobs. She borrows money from family that she knows is strapped for cash. She's not been able to renew her tag for her car and had to drop her insurance.

She got mad because she'd asked my Dad if she could borrow his car so she could find a job. She wanted it right then, when she asked for it. I'd had an appointment and errands to run, plus I needed to get my husband from work, so he told her she could borrow it for a couple of days on Sunday. She went off, not able to understand why I get to use it as much as I do, but she couldn't. I live across the street from my Dad....she lives about 20 minutes away. I have 3 kids and bills and stuff. She lives with her boyfriend and has no kids. He told her that I had the appointment, I had to pay my bills and grocery shop, etc, etc. She just couldn't understand it. But this is also the same person who has not had to pay bills and asked me once what we do with all of our money. bills!

I'm not saying I'm better than her or anything like, but I ACCEPT that it's my fault I'm without a vehicle of my own right now. SHE doesn't. When they came and got the car yesterday, she threw Cailin's car seat on my front porch and said "There's your f^$king car seat...thanks for hogging the car. The least you could have done was put gas in it!" and stormed off, peeling out of my driveway. Um..I'm sorry, but no. When my Dad let me use the car (we'd had it since Thursday, as they have two)it was on empty. I put enough gas in it for my use, per my Dad's request.

Personal responsibility is a HUGE part of being grown up.....if you want to be considered a grown up, you need to act like it on all fronts and not just a few.

1 comment:

  1. Although taking responsibility for ourselves certainly is part of growing up, people don't always grow up as fast as we'd like them to. The best thing you can do is exactly what you're doing, set a good example for your kids.


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