Thursday, July 25, 2013

Death of a Friendship

As we go through our lives, we meet people who we become friends with.

Some of those friendships are meant to last. Some are simply meant to run their course.

I have friends that I've known since I was 5. We aren't that close anymore, but we are still friends.....as much as people who rarely talk can be. We are friends on Facebook, we comment on statuses, things like that. It works. We've all come to accept that, over the years, we've changed and that it's okay that we aren't the same people we were many years ago.

My bestie, Patty....she and I have been friends since 9th grade. She is the closest person to me, aside from my husband. When we need a break from each other, we take it and don't need to explain. We just get it.

I had a friend that I recently stopped being friends with. Why? Because she was absolutely, off her rocker nuts. I tried to sustain the friendship, but it just got too......single white female for me. And it got to the point where being around her was so emotionally taxing that just a few hours with her left me mentally and emotionally exhausted. So I backed off and I realized that it was nice to not have to worry about her troubles and to hear her go on and on and on about how messed up her life when it was so far from messed up that it was in another country altogether.

That sounds horribly mean and I know this. But it's the truth. She was a hypochondriac, she created problems for the sake of having something to complain about. She wasn't a good friend, she wasn't a good mother and she wasn't a good wife. It literally made me sick.

So, the friendship ended. But, in the course of our friendship, we gained mutual friends. Now she has latched on to them and has gotten to the point where she is trying to emulate THEIR lives. The person she is quickly becoming is someone that is headed down a path of destruction.

I feel sorry for her. But I couldn't carry the burden of being her friend anymore. I just couldn't. And instead of being honest with her (I know, I know), I just backed off until she got the hint and ended it herself. She called me on the phone and wailed about how her life was turning upside down because she's losing her best friend...it was all over dramatic.

The death of a friendship is hard on both the person ending it and the person that got dumped.

By the way, for those who have asked, Jen and I are no longer friends. Our friendship ran it's course. It happens. She saw it before I did. But it is what it is.


6 comments:

  1. OMG!! OMG!!! I just ditched a friend JUST LIKE THAT! Thank God it wasn't a long term friendship - but total SWF -- jealous when I talked to other friends, inserting herself everywhere, ailment of the day, woes me, etc. etc. etc..... Sometimes you need to run far & fast! Fortunately for me - my other friends saw this coming way before I did and backed off first. Sorry about you & Jen :(

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    1. Thanks. It sucks, but, like I said. It is what it is.

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  2. It's sad when we lose friendships because there's history there. But history or not, we need to grow and change and sometimes that means moving on from friendships. I couldn't say it any better than your simple "it is what it is".

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    1. Exactly. I hate when a friendship ends, but sometimes, that's just how it is.

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  3. I love this post. I have "forever friends" like you, and new friends that feel like I've known forever. Breaking up with friends is a growing process. There are definitely seasons for some friendships. I'm sorry you had to go through the loss; hopefully you can look back and find something you gained from the experience. Toxic friends like the ones you describe are one sided; all take and no give. You were right and will be better for moving on.

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    1. It was a learning experience, that's for sure. But I came out of it with a stronger sense of myself and what I needed in my life in terms of friends.

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So....what did you think? And are you THAT Sarah Michelle?