Friday, February 7, 2014

What A Valuable Lesson.....

I thought today would be just like any other day. 

It started off just like any other day. At 7 am, the alarm clock promptly started blaring, shouting it's demand that I wake and begin my day, rudely interrupting a dream. A good dream. A DAMN good dream. In this dream, I was sleeping. A deep, un-interrupted sleep. How do I know it was a dream and not real life? I have kids, that's how. I don't get to have deep, un-interrupted sleep.

Anyway, back to my story. My day started off with my alarm clock pleading with me to get out of the bed. The kids are FINALLY going back to school after being off for snow threats of bad weather but really, they could have gone....So, I shuffle my way down to the other side of the house to make sure Boy and Girl Child are awake and getting dressed, doing their morning routine. Because of the snow threats of bad weather days, naturally they have misplaced most of the stuff they need. So I do the best I can to track it down, calmly of course.

After we gather up their things and I slow down while they leap from the van lovingly dropped them off at school, I make my way home to wake up the beast my sweet little child and husband. Lil Bit gets up willingly (more or less) and gets dressed with out a fight (for the most part). We brush her hair without (much) incident. I drop her off at school, kiss the hubs as I drop him off at work, then I decide that, because I've done so well, I deserve a little Starbucks and a croissant. I've accomplished a lot already....time for a hefty pat on the back.

It's a nice morning, so I go to the local duck pond and enjoy my breakfast. I was walking through the open field when I came across a remote. It was compact and only had one button on it. I think to myself "Now what do I do with this?" I look it over, turning it over in my hand a few times. I can't figure it out, but that doesn't shock me, because I'm not that tech-savvy. It looks like it was just dropped, as it was really clean. I've been here for well over a hour and I've been the only one, so I decide to take it home. Maybe I can research it and see how to get it back to it's owner.

I get home and sit the remote on the desk, booting up my computer. I take to google and can't find a thing. Curious, I decide to aim it at my expensive, 55" TV, because, ya know, that's the smart thing to do. So I aim it at my TV and I press the button. Nothing happens....to the TV (thank you Lord, Jesus). But I notice that my TV stand looks a little cleaner. Hmmmm.

So I do what any sane person would do and aim the remote at the sink full of dirty dishes and press the button. Like magic, the mess is gone. I jump up and run to the cabinets. Not only are the dishes clean, but they are dried and put away.

My mouth hits the floor. Noticing how dirty it is, I point the remote at the floor and press the button. They shine. I let out a giggle and do a little dance as I aim it at my messy living room and press that amazing little button. Presto! My living room looks cleaner than it has in a while (in all fairness, I haven't really cleaned it that much....). I dance a little more then I run into my bed room. BAM, bed is made, things are dusted, room is clean. I aim it in my bathroom and WHAM, it's shining and clean enough to eat out of. 

Holy mother, I have found my new best friend! (sorry Patty). I have found a remote that cleans for me. It's the most amazing thing in the world. My house looks amazing and I've only had to lift a single finger...my thumb! Only one thing left to do.

So I pile all the dirty laundry into the laundry room. I aim my magically little buddy at the pile and I press the button.

Nothing happens.

I hit the thing a few times and try again.

Nothing.

Oh HELL no!

It doesn't do laundry? What the hell?!

I grab it up (it somehow found it's way into the living room floor, even though I didn't leave the laundry room). I grab my keys and we head out, me and this little devious friend imposter. I pull back in to the duck pond and I put this little jerkface remote on a table. Then I get in my van and I drive off.

Moral of the story? Even magical remotes realize that laundry is sent straight from Satan himself and will refuse to wash it.

What a piece of junk!

Welcome to the Secret Subject Swap! This month, 15 bloggers swapped subjects and, today, we all unleash that fury onto the world. My subject was "I was walking through the ____________ when I came across a _____. It was _________ and _______. Now what do I do with this?" and it was submitted by Spatulas On Parade. Thanks for the subject! Now that you've read mine, will you do me a favor and see what my friends are up to?

Baking In A Tornado                         
Stacy Sews and Schools               
Follow Me Home...                     
Dinosaur Superhero Mommy                                   
Dates 2 Diapers                       
Confessions of a part-time working mom                       
Evil Joy Speaks                   
Spinster Snacks                                         
FBX Adventures (In Parenting)                           
Searching for Sanity                     
Small Talk Mama                                          
Juicebox Confession                         
Spatulas on Parade                     

12 comments:

  1. I at first was very confused on this post. I love that you left the prompt out until the end. LAUNDRY IS SATANS WAY OF PULLING A PRANK! My washer and dryer is in the garage and so it looks as if I have no clothes to wash, until I go out there to get something and I see the heaping pile of clothes :/

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  2. Laundry be damned, Twinnie! I want to sleep a good sleep too. Starbucks does make having to get up early worth it, though. Right? Have you had their Classic Coffee Cake? So much better than sorting the whites from the darks…:)

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  3. ROFLOL!! Too funny!!!!!
    I hate laundry in the worst way. With 8 people it NEVER ends. SIGH......

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  4. You know....I'm ok with washing and drying, it is the folding and putting away that is BS. But you know...that remote might be nice for the rest of the house. I really need to clean.

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  5. I love your fiction, you really have a gift for spinning a story.
    But if you ever find one of those remotes again, I hope you'll send it my way!

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  6. ROTFL that was great! Funny, I'd still take the remote if it would clean my oven!

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  7. You TOOK it BACK? Why??? I could do your laundry if you let me use your magic remote control to clean my house in return! In the meantime we could hit Starbucks until you'd have to pick up your kids without slowing down the van (hey, it's called "hop on" for a reason, right?)
    Great story, loved it!

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  8. I agree with you 100% that dirty clothes are the work of the devil. The little monsters multiply when you aren't looking. Too bad that remote doesn't really exist though, I have a pigsty of a bedroom I'd love to really test it out on.

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  9. Coolest. Remote. Ever. Even without the laundry!

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  10. I want one. I would be totally willing to do only laundry if the rest will be done for me!! Gimme.

    Great piece!

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  11. OMG...so flipping awesome babe! I want a that remote too...even though I agree with you that the evil cycle of unending laundry is evil, I would do it if I never had to clean anything else again!!!...if only, right?

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So....what did you think? And are you THAT Sarah Michelle?