Friday, June 12, 2015

The Heart Wants What It Wants

I'm pretty sure it was a test.

A test to see how faithful I could be. Would be. Was.

A test I failed miserably.

Meeting you was a sweet fate that I didn't dare question. The way you made me feel, the high I was on when I was around you, it all made sense to me. My heart, my soul, never felt so complete. I never felt more alive than when I was with you.

When I was without, oh the ache I felt. It was like a burning, in the deepest parts of my being. I felt lost, like I was just.....there. The intensity I felt for you, it scared me. I didn't want to feel like I was only whole when I was with you, yet, here I was.

Seeing you in the crowd that night, laughing with your friends as I purposely butchered "Comfortably Numb", I fell for you. Our eyes locked and in I fell, getting lost in eyes so beautiful even the most richest of emeralds couldn't compare. You have the most amazing color eyes.

I was a newlywed though. My wife was at the table next to you, beaming up at me proudly. If only she knew....if only she could see what I was feeling at that moment. She would have hated me.

I watched as you talked to her, complementing her on her dress or shoes or something. She introduced us and the minutes our hands touched, I felt the spark and knew you felt it too. It was real, what we had. It was mutual.

You started to come over and spend time with my wife and I, our families becoming close. You and I started sneaking touches here and there, exchanging secret smiles, secret everything. We had a spot that we'd meet up at, our spot, where our loved flourished into something much stronger than either of us felt in our marriages. The retroactive jealousy I felt for the fact that he got you more than I did wasn't fair, but at least I know it was mutual.

As the years passed, our love grew into something bigger than we ever thought it could. A child, one that you and I created, one who's life I could only be part of from a distance. That broke my heart, to see my son being raised by a man other than myself, but I knew it had to be that way, for the safety of our own marriages. I was uncle to him, but I made sure I was his favorite. I kept a savings account that I put money in for all of his good grades. I won't get credit for that, but it's fine. I was able to give my son a college education.

You were the first person I told when I found out about the cancer that was eating away at prostate. We held each other as we cried, knowing our time was limited. I wanted to leave everything to you, but I couldn't. I just want you to know that. But I was happy that I my wife and I didn't have children of our own. I was able to leave more to our son under the guise of being a good uncle, a good family friend.

I felt your heartbreak as you whispered goodbye to me when I slipped from this life. Mine broke too, not because I was going to be without my wife, but because I was going to be without you. I watched over you, your guardian angel. I was there when our son got married. I was there when our grandchildren were born. I was there for everything you yearned for me to be there for you. The wind in your hair was my fingers. The sun on your cheeks was my lips kissing you.

If it were possible, my heart broke again when you found out that you had breast cancer and that it was too late to do anything about it. To see you suffer, it was too much for me to handle. I knew your time was coming to an end when you kept seeing me and, though that excited me, I hated that our son, our grandchildren, was going to lose you.

When you slipped the note into the hands of our son and your husband, I knew that our reunion was close. I stood, waiting, excited to once again hold you in my arms. When I saw you, looking as young and fresh as the first day I saw you, I felt whole again.


We were together again.

Thank you for reading my post. Today, I took part of a challenge called Use Your Words. The words I were assigned was "retroactive ~ grades ~ test ~ color ~ scared ~ sweet" and they were submitted by the creator of this awesome challenge, someone I'm honored to call my friend, Karen from Baking in a Tornado. Thank you! I hope I did you proud.

If you want to read this from the female perspective, check it out HERE.

Please check out what my friend have in store for you and, if like what I wrote, leave it in the comments below.                                 Baking In A Tornado                          Spatulas on Parade                      The Bergham’s Life Chronicles                 Stacy Sews and Schools                              Sparkly Poetic Weirdo                     Eileen’s Perpetually Busy                                  Battered Hope                        Southern Belle Charm                      Someone Else’s Genius                Confessions of a part-time working mom                       Searching for Sanity                                 Climaxed                                       Dinosaur Superhero Mommy


  1. OMG...sobs...that is emotional and powerful. Great job

  2. Heartbreaking and beautiful at the same time. Nicely written. ❤

  3. Wow. Excellent use of your words. Such a great read.

  4. You most certainly did this challenge proud. I love that you thought outside the box and did not take those words in their most obvious direction.
    And your story broke my heart, you have such an amazing way with your fiction.

  5. This all sounded so familiar… Thank you for solving the mystery at the end of the post! i would have tried to find out for a looong time (and probably failed) where I might have read something similar a while back!

  6. Beautifully written and so very sad.

  7. YILES!!! What a doozy!!!!! Need some Kleenex now!!!

  8. I don't like feeling mad and sad at the same time for the same reasons. It's confusing. Well written, though!

  9. Heart wrenching story, great use of the words


So....what did you think? And are you THAT Sarah Michelle?